Телешоу, ТВ-передачи на английском: A bit of Fry and Laurie - pooch



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A bit of Fry and Laurie - pooch

Stephen: Wot'cha-got in there?

Hugh: Sorry?

Stephen: Wot'cha-got in there, I wonder?

Hugh: A cat.

Stephen: You got a mog in there, have you? You got a kitti-puss? Lovely. This is Clover, my daxie. I've always had daxies. I like smooth coated daxies best.

Hugh: Really? Is that right?

Stephen: So, what sort of mog-wog is your pussy-kit? Mm? It's a tabbles, a tom-tom or what?

Hugh: Burmese.

Stephen: Ah, Burmie! I love a Burmie. Is it boy or girl Burmie?

Hugh: Oh Christ... oh, it's a... he's male.

Stephen: (into basket) Hello, Mr Burmie. What's your name then?

Hugh: Yes he can't speak actually.

Stephen: Ah, but they can understand every word, can't they?

Hugh: Not much evidence for that.

Stephen: My first daxie, my first ever daxie was called Sculley. I named him after Hugh Sculley who presents the Antiques Roadshow. I love that programme, don't you?

Hugh: Pervertedly.

Stephen: Do you know what I do of a Sunday? Every day, after we've had our walk, as Clover and I always go walkums for a Sunday... well, you know just Clover and me and of course my little pooper-scooper, er, er, er, because that nasty Parkie man doesn't like to see poochie-poop on his best grass, does he? No,s o...

Hugh: Oh Christ ...

Stephen: And of course I don't like to see poochie-poop on my best carpet, and if I do, Clover knows he can expect a visit from a smack fairy.

Hugh: So we come back and I make myself a cheese and tommy-toe toastie.

Hugh: A what? A cheese and what?

Stephen: Tommy-toe. Tommy-toe. Tommy-toe.

Hugh: Tomato.

Stephen: Tommy-toe. Tommy-toe.

Hugh: Don't say it again.

Stephen: I make myself a cheese and tommy-toe toastie, sometimes two toasties, and an old muggles of tea and I just snudget down in front of the television and I watch the Roadshow. I love my Sunday afternoonies.

Hugh: Jesus Christ help me.

Stephen: And of course if it isn't the Roadshow, they might have the animal programme with Desmond.

Hugh: Desmond Morris.

Stephen: Ah yes, but we call him Desmond in our house, cos he's like a friend. He's like an old chum, this Desmond. Or we might watch Masterchef with Lloydie, or the Clothsies Show with Geoff Pantsy-wancy. We love our Sunday afties, don't we Clover?

Hugh: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Stephen: So what's wrong with Mr Burmie?

Hugh: What?

Stephen: Mr Burmie. Why's he come to see Vettiloo? Has he got a poorly tums?

Hugh: Did you just say Vettiloo?

Stephen: Sore throatie? Mm? What's wrong with Mr Burmie?

Hugh: I've brought him in to be killed.

Stephen: Scusie?

Hugh: He's got cancer of the liver, so I've brought him in to be put to death.

Stephen: Cancer?

Hugh: Yes.

Stephen: Cancer of the liver?

Hugh: Yes.

Stephen: Cancey-wancey.

Hugh: Oh God...

Stephen: (to the cat) You've got cancey-diddlies then, have you, Mr Burmie? You're going to be put to deathies, are you? Is your little heart going to make a stoppy-wap-wap? Are they going to go killichum-chums? Are they going to put your coldy-woldy body-wod in a groundy-wand, are they? Eh?

Vet: Clover?

Dachsund: (looking up) Yeah?

Vet: What can I do for you?

Dachsund: (looking at Stephen) I'd like to have this man put down, please.

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