Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful
emotion – indignation.
- Tom, this is my 5th message and you still haven’t called me back.
Well, you must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine.
- Well, guess what, the kids and I wanna have some fun too, so unless you call
me back by noon, we are getting on a plane and joining you.
- Mom!
- Not now, honey, Mommy’s threatening Daddy.
- Mom!
- No, I am not… Where’re your brothers?
- Noodles, my favorite!
- Lynette Scavo?
- Crap. Natalie Klein, I don’t believe it!
- Lynette! How long has it been?
- Years! Uh, how are you, how’s the firm?
- Good, everyone misses you.
- Yeah.
- We all say, if you hadn’t quit, you’d be running the place by now.
- Yeah, well.
- So… how’s domestic life? Don’t you just love being a mom?
And there it was – the question that Lynette always dreaded.
- Well, to be honest…
To those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable. So, Lynette responded as
she always did – she lied.
- It’s the best job I’ve ever had.
- You know what I don’t get?
- What?
- Why you married Mr. Solis.
- Well, he promised to give me everything I’ve ever wanted.
- Well, did he?
- Yes.
- Then… why aren’t you happy?
- Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
- So. Do you love him?
- I do.
- Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
- Because I don’t wanna wake up some morning with a sudden urge to blow my
brains out.
- Hey, can I have a drag?
- Absolutely not. You are much too young to smoke.
- How would you feel about me using your child support payments for plastic
surgery?
- Stop being so nervous, you’re just asking him out to dinner. It’s no big deal.
- You’re right. So, is that your project for school? You know in 5th grade I
made the white house out of sugar cubes.
- Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better.
- Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?
- You were using me to hurt Dad.
- Oh, that’s right.
- Oh god.
- Hi.
- Hey, Susan
- Are you busy?
- No, not at all, what’s up?
- Well, I., I just was wondering, if, um, if there was any chance that, um, you
would uh… I just… wanted to ask if…
- Edie. What are you…?
- I was making ambrosia, and I made too much so I thought I’d bring some over to
Mike. What’s going on?
- Uh, Susan was just about to ask me something.
- Uh… I have a clog.
- Excuse me?
- And you’re a plumber. Right?
- Yeah.
- The clog’s in the pipe.
- Yeah, that’s usually where they are.
- Well, I’ve got one.
- Well, let me get my tools.
- Now? You wanna come over now? You have company.
- I don’t mind.
- Just give me 2 minutes. I’ll be right over.
- That’s it, just stuff the hair down.
- I stuffed it; it’s not enough to clog it.
- Here, here, look. Put in this peanut butter. And this cooking oil. And these
olives!
- Mom, Mom I’m telling you it’s not working.
- Uh, oh god. That’s him. How am I gonna stuff up the sink…
- Well. Here’s your problem. Looks like somebody stuffed a bunch of Popsicle
sticks down there.
- I’ve told Julie a million times not to play in the kitchen. Kids, you know.
- Alright, I’ll go put in your order. I’ll be right back with your drinks and
your plates for the salad bar.
- Thank you.
- Andrew, Danielle, napkins?
- They have video games. Can we go play until our food gets here?
- Andrew. This is family time. I think we should all…
- Go ahead and play.
