You touch my daughter again, that will be a slideshow
-Anyway, the hire car was absolutely ready
and waiting when we arrived at Heraklion airport.
We'd done a deal with Hertz, through Amex,
which meant we were able to upgrade the category
without paying the extra price differential.
This is one of the Hertz girl, Tonya, with the car.
It's a Renault Mountaineer, specially designed for the Cretan terrain. Handles
beautifully, we were very pleased with the colour.
-Were you, by crikey.
-Anyway, I'd studied the map of the roads from
Heraklion while having lunch on the plane.
Did I tell you about lunch on the plane?
-In some detail, as a matter of fact.
-Oh, look, here's another one of the lunch tray.
I don't know how that got in there, must have muddled up the order somehow.
-I've been sucked into the deepest pit of hell.
-Oh, look. And here's one of the Renault's instrument panel.
-That's the left-hand control stalk with main beam, wipe wash and hooter on it.
-Oh, that's interesting!
- And here's one of the right-hand control stalk with indicators and so forth.
-Oh, I think this is gonna give me an erection.
-Anyway, so we skirted round Souda Bay via Thalakos. I discovered this
marvellous little off-the-beaten-track taverna.
-It really was so authentic. Everyone there spoke... Really, you should have
-Oh, no. I shouldn't. No, I shouldn't have been there. No.
-This is one of me pointing at my moussaka.
-Oh, wait a second, isn't that a revolting sight?
-And this is one of me on the toilet half an hour later. I used a self-timer for
that one because the whole new Minolta range have got self-timers.
-Self-timers? Oh, well, then I must leave at once.
-I discovered this marvellous little man in Hadia who developed film the
traditional Cretan way. Nikos his name was, or Costas. Could have been Andreas.
-Oh, but I must find out. Which? Which was his name?
-This is him on the toilet.
-Right. Well, you touch my daughter again and it'll be a slide show. You