- If I could just have your name, please, sir.
- Right. Hold on a second.
- My name is Derek...
- What are you doing?
- That's my name.
- What is?
- This. Derek...
- Derek... is your name?
- What kind of name is that?
- Well, it's my name.
- Bit unusual, isn't it, Mr...?
- If I had a pound for every time someone had said that to me...
- Um, how do you spell... Mr...?
- It's as it sounds.
- Yeah, but if you wouldn't mind spelling it for me.
- I mean, can't you...
- I would be very grateful if you would spell it for me.
- All right, then. N-I-P-P-L hyphen E.
- Beg your pardon?
- Nipple? Where? What are you talking about?
- Hyphen E.
- Hyphen E. In my book spells "nipple". It does not spell...
- Have you gone mad? What are you talking about? I thought the modern policeman
was supposed to be a highly-trained law enforcement unit. You can't even spell.
- All right, Mr Nipple, if I can have your address, please. Address, please?
- Are you talking to me?
- You wanna know my address?
- Or do you want to know Mr Nipple's address?
- Your address, please.
- My address, right. My address is number 22... King's Lynn.
- Watch it.
- Just watch it.
- Watch what, for heaven's sake?
- You do realise that assaulting a police officer is a very serious offence.
- Yes, I imagine it probably is. Very Serious. But giving your address to a
policeman, on the other hand, isn't so serious. Or is it? Perhaps the law's
changed since I last looked. Perhaps the Home Secretary has had to take stern
measures against the rising tide of people giving their address to policemen
whenever they're asked.
- All right. All right. Let's just check this with you, shall we, Mr...?
- Your address is 22... King's Lynn?
- Oh, no, no. What's the matter with you? It's 22... King's Lynn.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was 22... King's Lynn.
- Well, it isn't.
- I can't read my own handwriting.
- Well, get a typewriter.
- Well, if only we could afford a typewriter, sir. Do you know, it's funny, from
some angles, it looks like 22... King's Lynn.