-Hi, Peter. Peter, listen would you like a coffee? Filter, espresso,
cappuccino.We offer decaf on all of those.
-Well, that's very kind. Do you have a tea?
-Tea...I don't think so, Peter. I'll just check that for you. Hello, Mabel, my
love. It's Oliver here. Listen, my darling, do we carry a tea machine?
-Yes, I thought not. Many thanks, pet
-Sorry, Peter, no tea.
-Oh, doesn't matter. Don't worry.
-So, how may we help you?
-Well, this is a police station, isn't it?
-Well, of course it is, Peter. Yes.
-Yes. 'Cause I tried to ring you earlier but you must have changed your number,
all I got was music playing in my ear. The thing is, my car's been stolen.
-Your car's been stolen?
-Oh, Peter, I am sorry to hear that. Aw. And you'd like us to do something about
-Well, yes, please.
-Okay, well, have you had a look at our brochure, Peter? If you'll pardon the
-Wasn't there one? Oh, I'm sorry.Well, Peter, if you'd like to come with
me,we'll go through it together. Would you like to take a seat? Now, Peter, we
offer basically three kinds of stolen car recovery service. That's the super,
the lovely and the gorgeous. Now, the super is a basic non-priority listing of
your car. The lovely is higher priority, and the gorgeous is A1 top priority. We
put all our team onto it, field and creative. And that also includes a full
waxing and valeting of your car on recovery.
-Obviously, Peter, the gorgeous is a more expensive service.
-I beg your pardon?
-Do you have an account with us?
-Oh, you're a shareholder, perhaps?
-Well, I'm a citizen, if that's what you mean.
-Citizen. Oh, you mean client?
-Look, I don't want to sound stupid, but I get back to England, I find my car's
-Peter, you've been away? Did you perhaps miss the privatisation of the police
-This is now a branch office of Brit Law PLC.
-Would you like to fill out a form?
-Fill out a form? Fill out a form?
-You mean fill in a form. Has everyone suddenly turned American?
-Now, Peter I shall need your address, I shall need your place and date of
birth, your car registration number, and we should be able to have an account
verified within 14 days.
-Subject to status.
-This is insanity. I'm a taxpayer.
-Peter, everybody had a chance to buy shares at the time of issue. It was all
supervised by a reputable merchant bank. Well, by a merchant bank anyway.
-This is madness. I'm leaving.
-No, Peter. Not that way. Not that way, Peter.
-That's the High Street.
-The High Street is owned by UK Highroads PLC. We're employed by them
to make sure that only those with valid roadway passes use the street.
-But that's the Queen's highway for goodness sake, surely I can use that.
-Queen's...? Oh, you have shares in the
Royal Family PLC. That would be quite sufficient.
-Shares in the... No, of course I haven't.
-Well, Peter, I'm afraid I must ask you to come with me to the restraining bar.
Now, if you'd just like to put your hands on the detention knob.
-But I haven't done anything.
-Not the gold member cuffs for you. I'm afraid we'll have to use the bronze,
-No, no. Absolutely...no. No, I refuse. No.
-Now, Peter. Peter.Peter?
-What? Well, you haven't changed that much, then.