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Desperate Housewives 1.5

The sound that awakened my son was something hed heard only once before, many years ago, when he was quite young.
But he recognized it instantly.
It was the sound of a family secret.
Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal.
Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate.

- Mommy, Mommy!
- Now what?
- Daddys home!
- Come on!
- Hey, is anybody home?
- Hey, yeah!
- Yeah, yeah!
- Hey!
- I wasnt expecting you for a week.
- I have to go back to Frisco in the morning. But I got your call. You sounded a little frazzled.
- Yeah! Its been a little rough!
- Hmm, yeah, peaches.
- Daddy, did you buy us any presents?
- Oh, God, presents. Wait up. Let me see.
But Im not giving it to you unless you promise to go outside right now and practice throwing for 20 minutes, okay? You promise?
- Get out!
- Whos open? Go out.
- Deeper. Deeper. Touchdown!
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, no. You got to be kidding. Im exhausted. I look terrible. Im covered in peaches.
- Im sorry, baby. I got to have you.
- Well, is it OK if I just lie here?
- Absolutely.
- I love you.
- I love you more Oh, baby.
- Oh wait, I gotta tell you, I was having trouble with swelling, so the doctor took me off the pill, so youre just gonna have to put on a condom.
- A condom?
- Yeah.
- Whats the big deal? Lets risk it.
- Lets risk it?
- Yeah.
- I cant believe you tried to kill me.
- Yes, well, I feel badly about that.
I told you, Mrs. Huber came over and I got distracted. It was a mistake.
- Since when do you make mistakes?
- Whats that supposed to mean?
- It means Im sick of you being so damn perfect all the time.
Im sick of the bizarre way your hair doesnt move.
Im sick of you making our bed in the morning before Ive even used the bathroom.
Youre this plastic suburban housewife with her pearls and her spatula, who says things like We owe the Hendersons a dinner.
Wheres the woman I fell in love with? Who used to burn the toast, drink milk out of the carton, and laugh?
I need her. Not this cold perfect thing youve become.
- These need water.

Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for 5 minutes. But her husband never knew. Because when Bree finally emerged, she was perfect.

- I found my earrings, we can go now.
- Was John here today?
- Well, yeah.
- The lawn hasnt been mowed. Ive had it; were getting a real gardener.
- Why?
- Are you deaf? I just said hes not doing his job.
- Its dark, you just cant see that the lawn has been mowed.
- It hasnt been. Feel this grass.
- Im not feeling the grass! Lets just get going, come on! Were late!
- Take care of it.
- Yes, sir.
- Theres Tanaka. Time for me to go into my dance.
- Good luck, sweetheart.
- Oh, excuse me.
- Maam?
- You see that man just walked away?
Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand all night long?
- Yes, maam.
 

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