The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbours quietly went back to
their busy, busy lives. While some did their cooking.
And some did their cleaning.
And some did their yoga.
Others did their homework.
- Hi. I’m Julie, I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.
- Oh, OK. Well, let’s go round and get it.
- His wife died a year ago, he wanted to stay in LA but there were too many
memories. He’s renting for tax purposes, but he hopes to buy a place real soon.
- I can’t believe you went over there.
- Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. You’re obviously into each other.
Now that you know he’s single, you can ask him out.
- Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do. It’s just, I don’t know if I’m ready to start
- Ugh, you need to get back out there. Come on.
- How long has it been since you’ve had sex?
- Are you mad that I asked you that?
- No, I’m just trying to remember.
- I don’t wanna talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds me out.
- I wouldn’t have said anything it’s just…
- I heard Dad’s girlfriend asking if you’d dated anyone since the divorce, and
Dad said he doubted it.
And then they both laughed.
- Hey, Susan.
- Hi Mike. I brought you a little house-warming gift. I probably should’ve
brought something by earlier, but…
- Actually, you’re the first in the neighbourhood to stop by.
- Really? Well, welcome.
Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had moved onto Wisteria Lane, and
she was the first to find out.
But she also knew that good news travels quickly.
- Hello there!
Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee in a 5 block radius. Her conquests
- Hi Susan, I hope I’m not interrupting. You must be Mike Delfino.
- Hi, I’m Edie. Britt. I live over there. Welcome to Wisteria Lane.
Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.
- Thank you, what’s this?
- Sausage Puttanesca. It’s just something I threw together.
- Thanks, Edie. That’s great.
- Uh, I’d invite you both in, but I was sort of in the middle of something.
- Oh, I’m late for an appointment anyway.
- Oh, no problem, I just wanted to say hi
- Well, thanks.
And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.
For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.
- Oh, Mike. I heard you’re a… plumber?
But she was reminded that when it came to men…
- Yeah. Do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a look at my
…Women don’t fight fair.
- Thanks. Bye Susan.
- You can’t order me around like I’m a child!
- No. No, no, no, I’m not going.
- It’s business, Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives.
- Every time I’m around that man, he tries to grab my ass.
- I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year. If he wants to grab
your ass, you let him.
- Ow. Mr. Solis. You scared me.
- Why is that bush still there? You were supposed to dig it up last week.
- I didn’t have time last week
- I don’t wanna hear your excuses, just take care of it.
- I really hate the way you talk to me.
- And I really hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond necklace that you
couldn’t live without.
- But I’m learning to deal with it. So. Can I tell Tanaka we’ll be there
- John. We have bandages. Top shelf in the kitchen.
- Thanks, Mrs. Solis.
- Fine. I’ll go. But I’m keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire